motherhood · relationships

Translations

If I say, “I’m fine, thanks! How are you?” it means I broke down crying in the middle of dusting but kept dusting.
If I say, “Doin’ okay!” it means I got so frustrated over my toddler refusing to eat her vegetables that I stalked out of the kitchen to my bedroom, where I slammed the door so hard that it knocked down a wall collage of wedding photos and cracked the frame in two.
If I say, “He’s alright” it means we yelled at each other and we’re trying to convince ourselves that it was ultimately beneficial.
If I say, “Oh they’re good” it means I decided *not* to trip them with the vacuum cleaner cord when I had the chance.
If I say, “Haha, right?” it means “Oh God, it never even occurred to me to clean that part of my house.”
If I add, “lol” it means I am feeling something very deeply but do not wish to be a burden on you or anyone ever nor do I wish to seem anything but generally breezy and capable.
If I say, “I try to focus on the positive” it means I feel a visceral aversion to coming across as whiny, ungrateful, negligent, or lazy.

If I say, “It’s okay” it means you don’t need to do the mom-boomerang of rushing to assure me that you do of course love your children. I know you do. I promise.
If I say, “I understand” it means I do not judge you, not now, not ever.
If I say, “Me too” it means I am silently thanking God that I’m not the only one and silently (for now) thanking you for opening up and sharing that with me.
If I say, “Do you mind if I post this?” even if we’re both sort of goofy-looking in the picture, it means that moment with you made me so darn happy and I want to treasure up that feeling any way I can.
If I say, “You’ve got this” it means that from my vantage point, with one leg in the rapids and one on shore, I can see that you have, in fact, got this. There is not one iota of a doubt in my mind. You are strong, and your riverbed is solid. This trouble is merely a bit of water.
If I say, “I love you” it means I am so grateful to have you in my life; that although I’m often clumsy, I do not for one second take you for granted; that I feel comfortable sharing my story with you as it unfolds, from the light to the shadows and back, from the hospital corners to the uneven wrinkles and back; and that I wish to provide a safe space for you to do the same.
If I say, “Let’s go” it means that we are here to help each other, and doing so may not make life any easier or prettier, but it will sure for certain make it better.

Happy Friday, friends. I love you.

Let’s go!

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