Reaching heavenward,she revels in her power.Seeing her, some are awestruck, some terrified; few can look away, spellbound.Her light and warmth she has no interest in containing.Subtle messages long forsaken, she can only roar.Not in turmoil, she is turmoil itself,collapsing in a smoldering heap here, exploding in a startling burst there.Efforts to extinguish her towering energy… Continue reading Wildfire
What don’t we see under the surface?Beneath the top soil, exposed to the elements, deceptively crumbly and transient,Teems, I suspect, a world devoid of light but replete with life: a miracle.Brand-new roots hungry, relentless in their singular purpose: growth.Plunging down, groping outward with tendrils fragile yet vitalSeeking nourishment that we outsiders take for granted with… Continue reading Under the Surface
There’s a mimosa tree in our front yard that habitually takes a little longer to reawaken in the spring. Neighboring pears, plums, lilacs, and cottonwoods proudly produce buds in early April — precocious, eager things. The buds morph delicately, divinely into blossoms, accompanied by leaves whose green is birdsong in color. The mimosa, by contrast,… Continue reading Mimosa Tree
Ahem, says the moon through the screen of the bathroom window,As though she has just learned a new twirl and needs to show me immediately.Still hazy-brained from sleep, I peer up and out and concede that yes, it’s a delightful new twirl, yes, Madame Full Moon does look particularly full and lustrous as the night… Continue reading Full Moon, Fresh Legs
If I say, “I’m fine, thanks! How are you?” it means I broke down crying in the middle of dusting but kept dusting.If I say, “Doin’ okay!” it means I got so frustrated over my toddler refusing to eat her vegetables that I stalked out of the kitchen to my bedroom, where I slammed the… Continue reading Translations
If we lived close enough, we’d walk. It’s a serene neighborhood with wide, welcoming streets and lots of whimsically-painted mailboxes. It has trees, big trees, and not just pines and cottonwoods. This in itself would make the place special. We scramble up a grass-blanketed hillside, and before us lies a choice: playground, or path, or… Continue reading Good Park
There’s a pocket in every race, maybe half a mile in shorter races and two or three miles in longer ones, when the race is simply work. The adrenaline of the start has subsided, the tension of weaving and staking a place in the pack has eased, but the infamous Wall has not yet become… Continue reading Albuquerque Half Marathon: Sent & Spent
Why?Why does a 40-year-old, 162-pound woman care?Care about running fast, running far, setting goals, pushing her body that has already absorbed a healthy amount of miles and trials?I could deflect. I could laugh it off, I could reasonably tilt my head towards the four-year-old, the two-year-old, the marriage, the dog, the mental health, the house… Continue reading Mirror, Mirror
The custard slouches beautifully,shrugging off the crust as a suggestion, not a rule.It’s just the right thickness, as if to say, “I am satin and sugar but also substance, understand?”The “smoochie kisses,” as my daughters call them, tumble as they will.The crust, a form-follows-function sort, does its job with integrity.I’m pleased with this pie.I press… Continue reading Custard Pie
People associate emotional healing with bad experiences. It turns out, though, that the positives can require recovery, too. The accomplishment of something enormous, or the overwhelming relief and gratitude of a spiritual tank refill — not just a pitcher, a TANK — are like beautiful, indelible tattoos. The experience initially brings excitement, joy, but then:… Continue reading The Fifth Day
Last Sunday at sunrise I stood in the shadow of downtown high-rises, clapping my hands to keep warm. Motivational music pumped from loudspeakers, and other runners milled, bounced, and stretched around me. We were like a bunch of protons, vibrating non-stop. Or electrons? Who cares? We were there, I was there, to run a HALF… Continue reading Duke City Half Marathon
While my achy post-10k legs are propped up and the kids are down for quiet time, here are my thoughts: Just because I’m not overtraining in my running doesn’t mean I’m not overtraining. Virtual races are wonderful, and sometimes necessary. But there’s nothing like the people, the energy, shoot, even the Porta-Potty lines of an… Continue reading 16 Things I’m Learning About Racing As A Mom
The other morning my 3-year-old was helping me make breakfast. She rapped an egg on the counter, but instead of producing the desired crack in the shell, the egg went splat. Whoopsie. I said “Caroline” with thinly veiled annoyance, then stopped myself. Yes, the small mess required clean-up, but the child is brand-new to kitcheneering… Continue reading Cracked Eggs
This morning I stagger out of bed, drag on the running clothes that were stashed under the bathroom sink, let the dog out, shoo her back in, and make my way from the back door (it’s quieter that way) around to the front of the house. Some mornings the 15 minutes it takes to get… Continue reading The Work
Grain silosMonumental, immovable, concrete patron saints,Anchors of the horizonEqualed only by the anchors in the depths of the harbor.Your waters, bearing canoes, tug boats, Navy ships, freighters;Your earth, bearing steel, iron, the sweat of freshly-forged Americans undaunted by a little toil;Your air, bearing industrial dust, grainy grit, the warm aroma of cereal, at once hard… Continue reading Buffalo
I’m turning 40 this week. If that doesn’t merit a pause, I don’t know what does, so I’m going to stay right here for a moment to assess and aspire. First: assess. A Handful of Things I’ve Learned in 40 Years: It’s okay to not always be a fast learner. Sometimes you learn a lesson… Continue reading Mile Marker 40
In the middle of a family adventure,I turn and see a hill —-No Everest, but steep and rocky and in that wide-open sprawl of desert, appreciable.My heart full from playing in the dirt but lacking a suitable outlet,I have to run up that hill.I have to. And it’s good.But then you. You say, “Can I… Continue reading Because It’s There
Because sometimes you just feel like it. Sometimes you just feel like making a chocolate cake on a Thursday afternoon. Sometimes you just feel like accelerating up a hill during an otherwise mundane run. Or dancing to loud music in your kitchen at 8 am. Or getting a tattoo. Sometimes you just feel like it.… Continue reading Feeling Like It
Yesterday we planted seeds, my 3-year-old and I. We planted them in whiskey barrels whose soil has, shall we say, “rested” for a couple of years now. It was time for a revival. First we tilled the soil, she with a Pioneer Woman cake server, me with the nail-prying side of a hammer because, you… Continue reading An April Morning
Walking across a boardwalk stile from pavement to sand,the first thing to react is your pace,down-shifting from purposeful stride to unhurried flip-flop shuffle, white grains sugary on your feet.It’s hard to be in a rush at the beach.You breathe in, deep, you breathe in fathoms, and it’s there, the scent of brine and Banana Boat… Continue reading Destin
Okay, so you only napped for an hourAnd I didn’t get to watch as much “Grey’s Anatomy” as I wanted.I heave a sigh and roll my eyesBut then those eyes slide toward the windowAnd I smile in spite of myself Because it’s springtime!And the afternoon winds haven’t fully descended yet!And I opted to rest instead… Continue reading Run, Unexpected
We planted a tree on the first day of spring, a dwarf spruce. Hardly a complicated act, once we got past deciding where exactly in the backyard it would go, but it felt good. It felt good to do something, concretely, physically do something, so optimistic. Kind of like signing up for a future race… Continue reading Planting
If I close my eyes and inhale, I can smell the mud, brackish, there even when the sun’s been beaming through the trees for days. If I try, I can look down and see the decades-old path, cracked, surrendering time and again to the upheaval of tree roots. I can see the steep hills, even… Continue reading Accotink
I pad barefoot into the studio, the heat enfolding me immediately, noticeable but not oppressive. I fiddle with the placement of my mat, then my towel, then my water bottle. I’ve plopped, imagining myself graceful, in the back row near the door — that strategy I do remember. It’s been four years. The last time… Continue reading Back to the Mat
This time of year, the mercury too is working on its fitness,Rising but unable to push beyond a temperature that happens to be perfect. So we go outsideMy hair damp from a luxurious mid-day shower,My legs still effervescent-veined from their run,My daughters aglow with anticipation and sunscreen,My husband cheerful.I sit on the curb and watch… Continue reading Take Your Time
Dear God, My daughters are three years old and 15 months old. I love taking pictures of them. It’s vexing, though — they’re at the stage of nonstop play and exploration. It’s difficult to get them to be still for two seconds, let alone look at the camera (cough, phone), let alone smile. I find… Continue reading Prayer of the Mamarazzi
“Where else would you rather be than right here, right now?” – Marv Levy, Pro Football Hall of Fame Coach Everywhere we hear this, everywhere we see this: 2020 is the worst. This year keeps getting worse and worse. Let’s just write 2020 off entirely. It would seem that this year has been one long… Continue reading Dissent
This time of year, I typically write a post about the excitement of change: changing seasons, a new school year, maybe kicking training into high gear for a goal race in the fall. Well. Things look a little different this year, but that doesn’t mean there’s no excitement. As I mentioned in an earlier post,… Continue reading Back to Basics
This morning My baby fell asleep in my armsfor the first time in monthsHer hair here curly, here spiky, here flattenedHer face peaceful, unconcernedHer chin now and again twitchingHer soft baby jaw the curve of a universeHer arm draped over mineHer legs crossed at the ankleLooking really like she’s justluxuriating in a late-summer siesta It’s… Continue reading This Morning
I want my daughters to learn from me. Not just good things, not just strength and light. I want them to watch me and learn how to not be good. How to be weak. How to be down, how to be helpless. Because we are all these things at one time or another. And there… Continue reading For Myself, and For Them
More of a lean than a walk, quietly slipping out of the house. A handful of tenacious stars still twinkle. The coffee pot is programmed to start percolating somewhere around mile 6. This long hill at the beginning probably should wake me up but never does. Settling into a stride eventually, keeping eyes and ears… Continue reading Saturday
501 miles is what Strava noted as my total for the year, as of this morning. 500 is the 2020 goal I privately laid down for myself back in January, when I was cautiously wading back into running after baby #2, before I took a leap of faith and registered for a fall half marathon,… Continue reading 501 Miles
I find myself with plentiful energy this morning and the babies are sleeping in, so I thought I would dive back into these writing waters for a moment. They’ll wake up any minute now so let’s not waste any time! How is everyone doing? Here in New Mexico we are doing…well, not as bad as… Continue reading This Should Be Good
I’ve never been much of a virtual race person — I figure, if I pay an entry fee, why not get the full race experience? But things have obviously changed. One of my favorite local races, the Run for the Zoo, was cancelled, so when they announced they would be doing a virtual race, my… Continue reading Virtual Run for the Zoo 5K
Walking with the girls on Saturday, I saw the first rose of the year in a neighbor’s front yard. It surprised me; this is wisteria time. Rose time (and Spanish Broom) comes in May in our neighborhood. Who did that rose think it was, just blooming like that? Then, as we walked past it —… Continue reading Small Feelings
I’ve loved pelicans for years. I love their slightly heavy, yet elegant, flight. I love seeing them perched like sentinels on pier pilings. I love them because seeing them means I’m near water, and I love being near water. Today’s been a hard day. I try in general to be optimistic — I have a… Continue reading Pelicans
On Monday morning, Lauren Fleshman, one of my favorite human beings, hosted an Instagram live session. She gave her audience two writing prompts, and ten minutes to write for each. The idea was to just let the ideas flow and not worry or even think so much about the execution. One of the prompts was… Continue reading Yes, I Am Willing
I’m a stay-at-home mom, I should be better at this. I should be set on cruise control, I should be reading the tweets and looking at the Instagram posts of my non-stay-at-home friends and feeling…I don’t know…wise? Seasoned? Nope. I don’t feel those, nor do I feel smug, nor “See? SEE?” Okay. Okay, maybe a… Continue reading Just Keep Going
Hi everyone. Are you all doing okay? These are unquestionably bizarre times. Schools have closed, libraries have closed, toilet paper is becoming more valuable than water, and I think it’s safe to say we’re all feeling a little…bewildered. How do we ensure the health of ourselves and our families? How long will this last? What… Continue reading At Least We Still Have Coffee
The U.S. Olympic Marathon Trials are tomorrow. The race, for both the men and the women, is in Atlanta, and NBC will be broadcasting it at 12:00 pm ET. But why do we care? Why are hundreds/thousands of runners so excited by this event, and why should non-runners even pause for a second to acknowledge… Continue reading The Olympic Trials: Why Do We Care?
We’re sitting together in the kitchen, softly lit on a Sunday morning, everyone else asleep. The world outside is a damp gray, which makes being in this space even better. I sit at the table with a notebook and a couple of devotionals and a mug of coffee, savoring the heaven that is the first… Continue reading In This Space
Yesterday I went running with the intention of doing three miles at a hard pace. About a mile in, my legs felt heavy. I mean H-E-A-V-Y. Hills didn’t feel like invigorating challenges, they felt spiteful. I considered forgetting the hard pace and turning it into a “finish the run and be grateful” day. But I… Continue reading The Rock in My Pocket
This morning I ran in the dark for the first time in months, sandwiched between baby feedings, almost shrugged off in favor of crawling back into a warm bed. But no. Sometimes you have to just take the step and exercise the all-too-easily atrophied muscle known as willpower. So I did it. I put the… Continue reading Before Dawn
Steam across the invisible finish line Or maybe it’s visible — a sewer cap, a crack in the asphalt, a parked car While birds wing overhead, dark against a blue so bright it seems to glitter. Breath puffs, vapor, dissipating as quickly as the ache of effort Replaced by wholeness, equilibrium, the satisfaction of exertion.… Continue reading The Cool Down
I’m sitting here at my kitchen table, drinking coffee at seven-something in the morning, feeling more content and more steady than I have in a while. Why? Well, at least part of the reason is that I just got back from a run. It’s the first time since Laura’s birth that I’ve run two days… Continue reading Setting a Course
The thing about running is, it doesn’t care how long you’ve been gone or why. When you’re ready for it, there it is, unconditionally. That’s what makes this sport so beautiful. My last run was on September 26 (I checked my training log). At once it’s been ages and the blink of an eye. Mentally… Continue reading First Run Postpartum
First of all, thank you for the words of encouragement after my last post…I love the mom community, and the support means a lot. You know how, when you sign up for a major race, you’re excited and confident? Then you start really getting into the training and that confidence crumbles in a ruthless landslide…but… Continue reading Good Day
Running Sunflower 
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