faith · motherhood · Running

Pelicans

I’ve loved pelicans for years. I love their slightly heavy, yet elegant, flight. I love seeing them perched like sentinels on pier pilings. I love them because seeing them means I’m near water, and I love being near water.

Today’s been a hard day. I try in general to be optimistic — I have a sunflower tattoo, and then there’s the name of my blog, for Heaven’s sake — but Hemingway said to just aim for one true thing, so here’s one true thing: today’s been a hard day.

I had a strange, complicated (but not bad) dream last night, and woke up tired. Depleted. But also somehow antsy, like something inside me was trying — is trying — to claw itself out.

I have a feeling I’m not alone here.

I’ve been writing various snippets the last couple days but satisfied with none of it. Today I never got out of my pajamas. I drank coffee, either too much or not enough. I had an opportunity to go for a run but chose to finish Glennon Doyle’s Untamed instead. That I don’t regret. Read it, please. I may read it again immediately.

I have felt way too needed today.

I keep crying.

I have faith that tomorrow will be better, but today.

Today sucks.

Today feels like a six-mile run on wet, unpacked sand. Or wait. Maybe loose sand? I can’t even get my sand analogies straight. Whatever sand makes for a crummy run.

But thankfully, there are pelicans.

When I’m running on crummy sand, I’ll occasionally remember to look up and appreciate my surroundings because “ohhhh, running on the beach, life is so hard!”

And sometimes I’ll see a pelican and my spirits will be lifted.

So here are today’s pelicans:

  • My four-month-old locking eyes with me, staring at me, then breaking into a grin
  • My two-year-old zooming across our patio on her scooter
  • Glennon Doyle’s writing
  • My husband getting us breakfast burritos (if you visit Albuquerque, go to Golden Pride)
  • My Lizzo station on Pandora
  • Knowing absolutely, 100% that I’m not alone. Thank GOD for social media.

What are your pelicans?

2 thoughts on “Pelicans

  1. Been having awful dreams as well! So you’re not alone two-fold. My pelican today was baking a failed loaf of banana bread and eating it anyway. =)

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