motherhood · parenthood

Birthday Letter

You’re going to be two.

How am I supposed to believe this?

You, of the heavenly wondrous curls, waves in front, corkscrews in back,

Of the eyes that remind me of your dad’s one day and mine the next,

Of the scrunchy-faced grins,

You’re going to be two.

You came into my life and made everything surreal and simple at the same time.

I’m still trying to wrap my head around it, searching for metaphors and meaning and markers on the path to reassure me that I’m on the right path, or any path.

I’m drawn to stories about thru-hikes and ultramarathons and find beautiful chunks of bedrock there — “There! That’s what it’s like!”

But the best is when I stop trying to wrap my head around it.

The bedrock is already inside of me, and the marvel is that I get to know you.

You like being outside, you like hugging people you just met, you like — no, you love — the dog. All dogs.

You don’t like being pulled from something you enjoy or deem important.

You’re starting to dance and sing, mostly to yourself, trying out the sound of it.

I love this.

You inspire nonsensical songs and nonsensical laughter from me. I love this, too.

I think my best and biggest challenge will be to stand back and keep my hands off a lot of this — the way you’re not supposed to handle pie crust dough too much, the way you pick up a flower by the stem, not the blossom.

There aren’t any metaphors for how hard it is, or for how worthwhile it is.

I love you, my unfolding blossom, my lifelong lesson, my mystery, my charmer, my daughter.

You’re going to be two.

How am I supposed to believe this?

4 thoughts on “Birthday Letter

  1. I love this. You are always so intuitive and express it well. I am amazed every time I see a picture of Caroline. I see Adam in her eyes and her look, but I also see you in the shape of her face and her smile. You and Adam are so blessed and never fear, God gives us a love for our children that expands as needed and can hold one, two, or a dozen kids. Will be anticipating the arrival of the newest little Sapp. We love you.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s