faith · Inspiration · motherhood · pregnancy · Running

Not Today

Sunday night got a little rough. Somewhere around 2 am, I woke up with weird feelings in my abdomen. As one does at 2 am, especially when one is riding the hormonal roller coaster of pregnancy, I immediately assumed the worst. I cried a little and prayed a lot. On top of that, I had a wretched headache. Then I had to get up twice, once to use the bathroom and once to get a snack (those nighttime panics work up an appetite!).

Thankfully everything eventually subsided and I was able to get back to sleep, but when my alarm went off and I got up to go running, the headache relaunched its attack, and brought with it a touch of nausea. I made it as far as putting my sports bra and pants on before deciding to listen to my body (a lesson I am constantly learning, and learning, and learning again) and crawl back into bed.

The point of all this sludge is that I wasn’t in a good place. Then Caroline woke up early, and I remembered that our first parent-tot swim lesson was scheduled for later in the morning. Awesome.

But! Things improved as the morning progressed. Caroline was in a cheerful mood, as she usually is, God bless her. She didn’t seem to mind that her mom was off her game by a mile. She even went down willingly for a pre-swim-lesson nap.

I took the downtime to pray some more and poke around on my phone, which is when I saw something that slammed into my heart like a truck.

If you’ve never heard of Gabriele Grunewald, here’s what bravelikegabe.org has to say about her career:

Clearly, she’s an extraordinary person.

Here’s the post I saw (a little long for a screenshot), written by her husband: https://www.instagram.com/p/ByOurj1nDrF/?igshid=lota1cvabhbo

That is strength. That is humanity. That is divinity. Posts like that are why we have social media.

Posts like that are also a really excellent kick in the pants.

Not today.

Inspired by Gabe and heroes like her, I decided to embrace it for myself.

Not today.

Not today will I let fear win.

Not today will I drop my faith and not bother to pick it back up.

Not today will I let circumstances define me.

Not today will I look at all my blessings and shrug them off.

Not today will I play small.

Not today will I let my gaze settle on inward and downward rather than outward and upward.

Not today will I lose hope.

Not today.

And the swim lesson? It went splendidly.

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