Albuquerque · Running · weddings

Losing Wait

There is a WHOLE lot of hurry-up-and-wait in the air right now.

Part of it stems from nature. We’re in the almost-Spring homestretch, when trees are blossoming and flowery fragrances are starting to hit our noses. It’s lovely. But we can’t quite shake out all of our t-shirts and tuck away all of our sweaters, because it’s only mid-March. In Albuquerque, that usually means we have at least one more cold snap before warm weather settles in for good.

Part of it stems from life transitions that seem to be everywhere. I’m in the thick of planning my wedding; my friend Carrie just started planning hers; two other friends are expecting babies in June. Preparing for major events is both incredibly fun and incredibly taxing. We can’t wait for the big day, whether it’s committing to the one we love or welcoming a new life into the world. But between wanting to tie up all loose ends right now (if not sooner) in order to alleviate nerves, and facing the stone-cold reality that loose ends often have obstinate little minds of their own, frustrations can pop up quicker than an overly-eager tree blossom.

Then there are the hurry-up-and-wait situations that just happen. I’ve decided I want to run the Marine Corps Marathon in October — my first marathon as a married woman! But MCM employs a lottery registration system. Meaning I’ll put my name into the lottery today, and then, with butterflies in my stomach…wait. Wait, more than a week, for an email that says Yes or No.

Yup, I’ve realized that trying to get into a lottery marathon might not be the brightest idea for someone who’s 105 days out (thanks, TheKnot.com) from her wedding. I’m hoping that the anxiety from one will deplete the anxiety from the other, leaving me completely serene. Yes, that’s what I’m hoping for. Let me have my fantasy.

In the midst of all this, I do have moments of clear, rational thinking, and I try to make the most of them.

From one of these moments, and after consulting with friends who are or have recently been in the same boat, I’ve come up with this:

Reject the idea of “hurry up and wait.” Just let it go. Let go of the “hurry up” part and let go of the “wait” part.

You ask, “Uhhh, doesn’t that leave nothing?”

Yes. It leaves nothing. But nothing could also be interpreted as:

* Peace
* Stillness
* Calm
* Mindfulness
* Health
* Openness
* Reflection
* Happiness

If we’re constantly chomping at the bit to get things done, to check off one step and move immediately to the next, or anxiously keeping our eyes on the horizon without noticing what’s right in front of us, we lose a lot of those things I just mentioned. At least I do.

This week (one step at a time, people) I’m going to stop trying to do everything at once. Actually, I’m going to stop trying to do everything, period. I’m going to take more deep breaths. I’m going to give more hugs to the man I’m marrying. I’m going to go for longer runs. And I’m going to inhale the fragrance of the blossoming tree in my yard without a single thought to future freezes.

flowers

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3 thoughts on “Losing Wait

  1. As one wise person – it might have been Bill Rodgers, Frank Shorter, Joan Samuelson, or St. Francis de Sales – observed: We should live in the present moment. It is the only contact we have with reality. Life can only be lived in the present. To live in the past or the future is not to live at all.

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